So Much Sorrow

Poor sweet Eleanor. And now little Margaret.

We hardly knew them and now they're gone.

I just got word from the veterinarian that one of the puppies we have there died a few moments ago. Her name was Margaret and she was only a month and half.

Now, this wasn't the first time that has happened because last week, her litter-sister, Eleanor, also died. Both of them passed away due to failure of their systems-- they just wasted away in only a few days.

But as it is, it's breaking my heart, having to go to the vet to bring home their dead bodies to bury.

I barely knew them, really. Except that I knew Eleanor was always the feisty one, running around, jumping and playing with her siblings (they were five all in all). Margaret was the quiet one but a sweet girl.

I kept thinking as I held them in my arms bringing them to the vet that it will be alright, that the vet will help out. And I could feel their little furry bodies so limp and hear their piteous cryings and I remember telling them that it will be okay.

How can one not feel wretched looking into their eyes and seeing their pain?

They just keep dying and I can't do anything to stop it.

Right now, the vet still has two other puppies under observation and on dextrose: Tika (named after Tika Waylan of "Dragonlance" courtesy of my SO) and Sophia. And I'm so afraid of what each moment will bring.

The vet said there is a possibility that they have a congenital defect, that all the puppies will be affected due to a weak immunity system. I really don't know.

I keep thinking, hoping, praying that they'll be okay. But this is the second time that a pup has slipped through our fingers and we can only wait helplessly for that dreaded call from the vet.

And the remaining pup with us, the only boy among four girls, Philip, we're also afraid that he'll weaken and will have to be brought to the vet also (though-- knock on wood-- he's doing okay right now).

I just realized earlier today, thinking about dogs and why I so love them. And I think, you can always place your faith in a dog's love and loyalty in you. And seeing those pups in my mind's eye, whining for help... and I can't do anything in exchange for their love.

I can't do anything.