Saturday, July 10, 2004

Two Hours Past Midnight

I can't sleep.

With the Vanilla Sky song of Radiohead whispering from my speakers, I feel strongly... unsettled. Quite in unison with the song.

Early this night, I found out that the five puppies my girlfriend's dog gave birth to have the common cold. Too early, I think, They're too young. I can only watch and wait. Give the mother dog some vitamins and hope they translate to the young ones.

Thinking about that reminded me of Tika, the pup who lasted long enough to break our hearts when she died. I remembered her when she was alive. I remembered her last moments before we brought her to the vet.

And I feel that if I couldn't save even one from the five before, how can I try to save this group? How can I try to do anything at all?

More questions, more doubts. Maybe it's the forced inactivity of the past couple of days that's getting to me. Maybe it's the hunger that's been gnawing within my stomach and in my mind.

As it is, I can't seem to force myself to sleep despite the ache behind my eyes. Because if I do, I feel like I've left something unguarded or unprotected behind me.

I'm reminded of that story by Neil Gaiman, "The Guardian", I think the title it was. I feel like that supranatural cat in the story. Like someone has to man the gates and there's no else to do it...

It's three o'clock now.

Wala lang

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