Wednesday, July 15, 2009

What Was Lost

All my stories, for one thing. Oh, I know, I have some backups here and there. But I was living primarily on my laptop for the last three months. And for the last six of those, all my backups were in my flash drive-- which was also in the laptop bag.

There were also work files from my previous jobs, music files, pictures, lists, notes, this-and-that-- really, my whole life for three months were in that laptop. It's hard to characterize the loss itself: one can give a price tag for the actual item stolen but how do you give value to what you've created? You can try to re-create them again but that initial spark, that fire that set the idea burning and blossoming into a possible story-- all of the bits and pieces that held those sparks were lost.

Sometimes I feel like I'm haunted: I would remember something and then stop and say, "Ah, that was also what was lost." But as a good friend says, what can we do? We live in an unfair and unjust world. There is no such thing as magic in the real world, except in what we create and pour into it.

Maybe this should teach me to rely too much on the wonders of technology. Maybe this is a kind of a virtual clean slate, a very expensive crumpling-of-paper-and-throwing-it-into-the wastebasket way of doing your stories right. A kind of starting all over again. We reach for any kind of reason when reason is not enough, after all.

At the end, I reached finally for humor: last Sunday while we were driving home, I started singing Air Supply's All Out of Love to the consternation of [identity-protected]. I had no reason why and I didn't really care to explain. I just felt like doing it.

When in doubt about life, reach for absurdity...


dodo dayao said...

I sympathize man. I had books destoryed by termites, music stolen and - - -more importantly- - -pictures deleted. But yeah, in the end, you mope a little then get up and write again. And sing Air Supply songs.

Making Love Out of Nothing At All seems appropriate to where you are now, I think. ;)

banzai cat said...

makes you wonder this habit humans have of keeping permanent things, eh?

right now am humming All By Myself. ;-)

dodo dayao said...

And kinda makes you envy the few people who never developed this habit. It's the packrat in us, I guess.

Yeah, All by Myself seems aporpos. Hehe.

Good luck with the re-writing,man. Tap into new fire.

Ryan said...

i got 3 external hard drives and also burn dvd-r s

banzai cat said...

dodo: thanks man.

ryan: am really thinking of getting an external drive. but it's so damn expensive here.